Just when I think I'm doing better...

... I see this mess.

Now, I am going to warn you... Only watch this if you have about 40 minutes and if you are going to be in a place where you can break down sobbing.

MTV has a new show called "16 and Pregnant", and although I am not a watcher of MTV (well, not since the early 90's when the music was sublime and the fashion was criminal. :) ) I think they have actually done a decent job of portraying the reality of being young and pregnant. The particular episode linked above involved Bethany Christian Services, the agency I relinquished through.

Although it was heart-wrenching and triggering to watch another human being go through what I consider to be the most traumatic, sickening event of my life, what bothers me the most is the role that the agency played in all of it.

The cherry on top is that Bethany is blogging about it in a positive light. But we'll get to that in a minute.

I will go ahead and give you some brief highlights until you can watch for yourself.

So Catelynn and Tyler are 17 year olds who have been together for three years. Neither one of them has a very stellar home situation, but they are surprisingly grounded and mature for their age and circumstance. Catelynn is expecting a baby girl, and she and Tyler feel that their only option is to give the baby to another family in order to spare her the same home life that they have experienced.

They go to Bethany and tell the birthparent counselor of their decision, and she IMMEDIATELY accepts their decision and their reasons without exploring the issues any further. She tells them that relinquishing is often the most loving and selfless thing to do and sends them home with 10 profile books of waiting adoptive families. (If your jaw is not yet on the floor, don't you worry; I'm just getting started.)

The two expectant parents go home and look through the books. They settle on one book that they like the most. My heart just dropped as the camera focused on a picture of a huge, ritzy house with descriptions of a dad with an affluent job and a SAHM. Catelynn says something like, "Wow! Look at that house!" And Tyler says, "Yeah, he is a financial planner." Catelynn replies, "I don't even know what that is." They were totally awestruck by the family with a life that they could only dream of.

So C and T meet with the afamily at the Bethany office. C states her reasons for choosing adoption as being rooted in her awful childhood and wanting something better for her daughter. She begins to cry. Everyone else is just sitting there in this awkward moment like there is no sympathy for her...? It was hard to watch. The camera kept panning to the amom who had this strained, fake look of concern on her face... Just weird.

Anyway, the SW calls it a match, and over the next couple months, C and T and the afamily get to know one another a little more and C and T make a scrapbook for their unborn daughter.

The day of C's induction arrives, and C and T have their moms and other family members there for support. Guess who else is at the hospital, waiting in the wings? Yep. The aparents. C gets through her labor and there is a very emotional scene when her baby is delivered and Tyler leans down to hug Catelynn, both of them sobbing, and he says, "She doesn't want to see the baby! Don't show her! We can get through this... We can do this. She will have a better life." :( I was sobbing at that point.

Let's just have an aside here for the purpose of commenting on Catelynn not wanting to see her baby initially. I have heard time and again from amoms who say, "Our birthmother didn't even want to see our baby." Well, now can you understand WHY that might be??? Could it be that the woman is so completely heartbroken that she can't bear to look at the baby she can't have? It is not being callous, folks. It is falling apart emotionally. It is self-preservation.

Ok, back to the hospital experience. So C decides shortly after delivery that she wants to see her baby and hold her. Tyler goes out to the waiting area and tells the aparents that C wants some time with the baby and that he is going to do the same. You can just see the look of disappointment on the amom's face. The woman starts awkwardly going on about how she promises they will love the baby so much and take good care of her, blah, blah, blah. Tyler returns to the room to be with C and the baby.

Here is where it gets absolutely, gut-wrenchingly, sickeningly EVIL. The social worker comes into C's hospital room as she is holding her baby and visiting with her family and asks if she can have everyone leave the room so that the aparents can come in and be with the baby. What????? After all, she says, it has been 5 hours since the delivery. What????? C says that she wants to get some pictures of her baby with Tyler. The social worker is clearly frustrated and irritated and says that she will TRY to hold off the afamily and entertain them. What?????

The afamily comes in later to hold the baby. The amom then goes on and on about what a wonderful GIFT they are giving them and how much they will love the baby. She cries and cries and then gives C a gift. The gift actually wasn't bad - very sentimental - but it was TOTALLY, COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE AT THE TIME.

The next thing you see is Catelynn and Tyler signing TPR in the hospital room. I could not believe what I was seeing. She was sitting on the very bed in which she had labored hours earlier, signing away her rights before she was even out of the fog of giving birth. I couldn't even make a decision about what I wanted from the cafeteria at that point postpartum.

Bethany is so pleased with this episode, that they have advertised it on their blog. This is what they have to say...

"Bethany is very excited to be part of a new show on MTV called '16 and Pregnant'. The show features Catelynn from Eastern Michigan and how Bethany walked her through pregnancy. Dawn Baker, pregnancy counselor, supported and counseled Catelynn and her boyfriend through their adoption plan. Tune in to MTV tonight at 10 pm to see the emotional and touching story!"

Are they actually PROUD of this? Do they not see anything wrong about their unethical practices? I'm gonna let this marinate, and I'll be back tonight after my cousin's wedding to dissect it.

Ugh. I can hardly tear my brain and heart away from this.