Stress and blessings...

Things here in the Farr home are a bit stressful right now. Susannah is battling a really bad virus that is very similar to the flu (flu test was negative today), so she can't do much except lay on the couch, sleep, or stare into episodes of Max and Ruby, Dora, Peep, Little Bill, Curious George, Clifford, Sid the Science Kid... Ugh. I'm reeeeeaaaaaally tired of the TV. We did read quite a few books today, as well, but there is just something about being a kid and having a sick day, where you can watch more TV in that day than the rest of the month combined. :)

David is on his umpteenth straight day of work (more like 14th), and he will still not have a day off until September 20th. He is on vascular surgery right now and working 16 hour days - when he is not on call. If he is on call, he works a 30 hour shift. I feel so bad for him. He leaves for work at 3:30 every morning, and once he gets home around 8:00 or so in the evening, he eats a few bites, takes a shower, and gets into bed. He misses spending time with the girls and me and just plain sitting on the couch for a few minutes to check in on his football team and watch a sitcom or two.

I am supposed to take the girls to the Outer Banks on Sunday morning to meet up with a big group of family. It will be a major drive for us (around 11 hours), and I have not packed one single thing yet. My washer and dryer are working full time as I type. However, now that Susannah is so sick, I don't know how things will play out. I certainly can't take our germs to the OBX to share with everybody there. It wouldn't be a big deal except that my SIL and I decided to ride together with our kids since neither one of our husbands can get away from work responsibilities to go with us. We felt better about the drive that way. We discussed it tonight, and if Susannah's fever hasn't broken by tomorrow afternoon or if Caroline or I get sick, then we will not be going. I won't have a choice, and my SIL refuses to make the long trip by herself. I feel bad. I don't want to throw a wrench in the plans we have been making all these weeks. Plus, the kids are looking forward sooooo much to the beach. My girls have never experienced the beach. I don't know why we have to drive 11 hours to do it when we live 4 hours from the South Carolina coast, but whatever. :)

On top of that, I have a silly hair bow order to fill before I can leave for vacation. It wouldn't be a big deal except for the fact that it is impossible to embroider and sew when your kids are sick and your house is already falling down around you. :) Making hair bows is pretty much the last thing I need to be doing right now. It is also the last thing I want to be doing, which brings me to something positive...

I am really, REALLY excited to be closing down my sewing business. I know that sounds kind of bad, but I'm not going to stop sewing. I'm just going to start sewing for my own kids instead of everybody else's. :) Now that I have two little ones, things have reached the point where, unless I put the girls in someone else's care part time, I do not have enough hours in the week to fill orders. At least, not enough hours to fill enough orders to make it worth the time. I just really don't want anyone else to watch my kids. I want to be doing the fun stuff with them and lovin' on them. :) So now, when I DO get a few minutes to myself at night, I can create fun things for them and enjoy the fruit of my labor in my own home. It feels good to have made the decision, and I really feel like a weight has been lifted.

You know, even as I type these things that are weighing on me, I feel more and more content in my chaos. I live a very blessed life. A privileged life. I have a husband that loves me and works really hard for his family in a job where he gets to help people every day and make a difference. I have two beautiful, healthy children with whom I get to spend each and every day. When Susannah woke up sick this morning, I didn't have to call anyone and get permission to stay home to be with her. I didn't have to feel guilty about it or worry that anyone would be frustrated with me. I could take her to the doctor without a second thought because we have great insurance and I could pay the copay. I could come home and throw laundry in my own washing machine. I could load the dishes from dinner into a dishwasher instead of standing in front of the sink for 45 minutes breaking my back. And now I can go get into a comfortable bed with fluffy covers in an air conditioned room... :)

You know, there was a time in my life when I could not have counted any of those blessings. They weren't there. I would say that even on a bad day, I have more to be thankful for than I can list out loud. Sometimes, just taking a minute to say those things out loud can bring a lot of clarity to the days when I feel overwhelmed. I don't know why God would be so good to me. I don't ever want to get over it.

"Many, O LORD my God, are Your wonderful works which You have done; and Your thoughts toward us cannot be recounted to You in order; If I would declare and speak of them, they are more than can be numbered." Psalm 40:5